Finding Herself Read online

  ‘Not really. Pretty much the only communication I ever receive from Vegas is general, corporate-wide memo type information. Mr Laswell always told me things were fine, if I didn’t hear otherwise.’

  ‘Ah, Robert Laswell. Listen, Emma, I didn’t get to spend much time with the man, but things will be different now, I promise. And you’re doing a great job here. In fact, do you think we could have a minute to ourselves? Let’s step into your office.’

  ‘Um, if you haven’t seen it yet, there’s barely room for one of us in there. But I suppose we could squeeze …’

  ‘Let’s talk outside then, if you don’t mind. There’s something I’d like to discuss with you in private.’

  Emma traced quietly behind her boss to the front of the store. He held the door open for her and she stepped towards the expansive display window. She stopped and turned to face him, and there he was, close to her – personal space close – as if he needed to whisper a secret.

  Emma breathed him in, and, for a moment, allowed herself to consider him as something other than her spirited, assertive new boss; he was strong in other ways too. She imagined freeing two of those pearl-coloured buttons from his crisp-collared white shirt, and, with an inquisitive palm, exploring his smooth, firm chest. Three more buttons then waves of toned abs and … Stop it, she told herself. He’s my boss, and I’m old enough to have been his babysitter!

  ‘I want to ask you two things, Emma.’ Jason’s soulful eyes locked with hers and she couldn’t look away. ‘First off, as you may know, we’re opening a store in Tucson. Our long-range plan is to have it be a multiple store market, maybe three or four locations. It’s very important we get this first one right; otherwise, the whole market could be a bust. I’d like you to consider taking this store – get it off the ground properly. It wouldn’t be a short-term deal, Emma – you’d have to move. I know that’s asking a lot. Now, I can’t make any promises, but down the road, as we add more stores, there will be an opening for a group manager …’

  He continued pushing his agenda, his sales pitch for Emma to pick up her life and relocate a hundred miles from home and from her friends – for a lateral move, and possibly, just possibly, something more in a few years. What would Ty think? Ty – maybe this would be good for her. Tucson could be a fresh start. It wasn’t the other side of the world. It was just a two-hour drive; close enough to not lose anyone in her life – unless she wanted to, or needed to. Her anxiety somewhat quelled, her mind drifted to what sort of cupcake bakeries might exist in Tucson.

  ‘So, of course you’ll have some time to think this over, OK?’

  ‘Sure. Wow, that is a lot to think about, Jason. Thank you for your confidence in me, but …’

  ‘Wait, Emma. I’m sorry to interrupt, but before you say anything else, I have one more question for you.’ Jason’s eyes left Emma’s face for the first time. He looked down at the sidewalk, like a little boy searching for a bug to squash. ‘Would you have dinner with me tonight?’ He continued to look away from Emma, and he suddenly seemed very shy. She thought she detected a blush. ‘We don’t have to talk business. I’d just like to get to know you better … personally.’

  Emma tried to quickly gather her thoughts. What was he asking? Was it some sort of trick question? It was true that he didn’t know her very well, so she guessed he must want to check her out, see if she was a stable enough candidate for a future group manager position. But why was he acting so different all of a sudden? Like he was asking her for … a date.

  ‘Can I ask you something, Jason? I mean, I’m a little confused about … I was wondering, if we’re talking about you getting to know me …’

  ‘What is it, Emma? Ask me anything – seriously – this is all off the record, OK?’

  Jason’s gaze returned to her once more, and he stepped even closer. He smelled amazing – ginger, cedarwood … Shit, she thought, he smells like yummy sex! He began consuming her with his eyes again.

  ‘What’s the …? Who are you, Jason Eastman? Please, don’t get me wrong, but you are not like any other Untamed Soles executive I’ve ever met. You’re very smart, and you’ve given me some great ideas for my store, but … you’re so full of energy, and, so young, and, seriously, a brand new Jaguar?’ It was everything Emma had been dying to know all day and she spilled it all at once, like her eye shadow this morning, or her Diet Coke pretty much every day. She swallowed hard and wanted to kick herself for not having the self-restraint to keep some things inside.

  Jason stood emotionless for a moment and Emma thought she’d drown in a flood of regret. Then came the smile – the bright, revealing smile. He was either about to laugh aloud as he terminated her, or he was delighting in her candour. She wasn’t sure which.

  ‘All good observations, Emma; I like your spunk. If I may, it’s one more thing I find … appealing about you. Now, I probably know more about you than you realise, so it’s only fair that I indulge your curiosity. First of all, I’m 24 – maybe not as young as you think I am?’

  ‘I really hadn’t assigned an age to you in my mind or anything. I just meant you’re so enthusiastic, so full of life!’ Twenty-four? Couldn’t he be at least a couple of years older?

  ‘I’ve been out of school for three years, but I feel like I’ve been working my whole life. My father has a few car dealerships in Connecticut that were passed down to him from his father. I remember being ten years old, running contracts between finance and sales. In college, I pretty much lived every weekend at our store in New Haven; that kind of erased any opportunity for a social life. I never stopped working for my dad, until last year. His dealerships are supposed to be mine one day – maybe. They’re all very successful, but I had to get away from it for a little bit – see if anything turned me on more than the three-card monte business that’s defined my family for four generations.’

  Emma watched Jason’s lips move as he spoke and she wanted to interrupt him, wanted to support him, wanted to kiss him. She bet she knew what could turn him on more than his three-card monte business. Focus, she ordered herself. Do not even go there! He was so gorgeous and so hot that Emma had to take a casual step backward, hoping to cool her brewing wetness.

  ‘Anyway, I guess that explains the Jag. I love to drive, and I’m fortunate enough to get to drive pretty much anything I want. And, so you know, I got this job on my own – no family influence – just my business degree, a long résumé, and me. Now, how about dinner tonight? I have to leave town early tomorrow, and, you know, I’d like to spend some more time with you.’

  He looked down again when he asked. What was up with that? He waited patiently for Emma’s response. Confusion set in again. She knew she could not accept his invitation. If it were a business meeting, sure, she’d go. But he made it clear that he wanted to get to know her better. And he seemed so shy, so un-Jason like when he said this, she could only assume dinner was a tactic for something else. He turned Emma on, of course, just like he turned Bailey, Jan and Rachel on – and any other girl with eyes. But he was only 24! Emma was not closed to having someone new in her life, but she needed to be realistic – not that she was certain he was even interested.

  ‘I can’t, Jason. I really appreciate the offer, but I’ve already made plans for tonight. Maybe next time you’re in town?’

  ‘Sure, sure, no problem. Now listen, I want you to consider the Tucson offer. I really think it could be a smart step for you.’

  Emma nodded, reassured that the offer was still on the table, should she want it. She was thankful Jason had so effortlessly slipped back to business mode.

  She was considering how to best articulate an inventory status question for Jason, when Ty’s Prius slipped stealthily into the space next to the Jag. Before he even stepped out of the car, he was eyeing his ex with a calculating glare.

  ‘Ty! I almost forgot you were picking me up today. I’ll just be a few more minutes, OK?’ Emma flushed with embarrassment from the sudden distraction.

  ‘You did ask
me to do this, remember? Your car is at the tyre store? I’m taking you to pick it up?’ Ty spoke as if he’d had an abysmal day.

  ‘Ty, I want you to meet my new Regional Vice President, Jason Eastman. Jason, this is my friend – and roommate – Ty Anders.’ Emma stared hard at her ex, signalling him to not be such a jerk.

  ‘Pleasure to meet you, Ty.’ Jason extended his hand. ‘Emma, I’d be happy to take you to your car if you’d like. We can continue our discussion on the way, and Ty can get on with his day.’

  ‘That’s OK … Jason. I promised Emma I would take her to pick up her car, and I’m here, so, that’s what I’m going to do. I can wait.’ Ty crossed his arms and stood his ground.

  ‘Seriously, Ty. Emma and I need to wrap up a conversation we were having. It’s not a problem at all.’ Jason stopped short of shooing Ty away with a wave of his arm.

  ‘She’s coming with me. Do you want to get your things, Emma?’

  Both men looked at Emma, waiting for her to break the deadlock. Ty glared, Jason smiled. What was going on? Emma could almost smell the testosterone as it dribbled from their pores. They were arguing over her?

  Paired side by side, the distinction between Ty and Jason was striking. Ty was solid-thick, a modern-day Viking, preoccupied with winning. Jason was modern-day gorgeous, lean, strong, calm, and maybe just a smidge cocky. But Emma wasn’t involved with either one of them, at least not in a covetous, provoke a gunfight way.

  ‘Sorry Ty, I didn’t mean to step between you two. She’s all yours.’ Jason lowered the temperature about 20 degrees with his words. ‘Emma, I will talk to you soon. We need to discuss your back stock of Weitzmans.’ He smiled as he left.

  * * *

  Sleep wasn’t coming easy for Emma. So many things were spinning through her head and, until she could sort through them, she wouldn’t be able to relax. Just a day earlier she had committed to moving on, finding a new company and a better opportunity. Then she met Jason and his unexpected offer of … not much. She needed to give him an answer, but wanted some time to think it through. She had heard about the new Tucson store before, and was pretty sure it was scheduled to open way down the road. She hoped this might buy her some time.

  Emma was also struggling to make sense of her ex-boyfriend/roommate. His behaviour at the store earlier was out of line – not like the old Ty at all. But it wasn’t just today. He’d been acting out of character for a while now. He had evolved from boyfriend/lover, to friend/sex partner, to … what? She didn’t know. But his behaviour earlier smacked of jealousy – possessiveness even. She was only trying to conduct a business conversation – mostly business – with her new boss. Did Jason’s good looks have anything to do with it? Ty seemed threatened by something, and Emma didn’t know what – or why.

  Jason was good looking – grade-A fantasy-material good looking – but, as confident and passionate as he came across when he talked business, he was shy when things became personal. Although Emma found him to be amazingly sexy, with a biting, tasty sense of humour, she had to stop thinking of him as anything more than her boss; she was reading too much into his timid invitation to dinner. The last thing she wanted, or needed, in her life right now was a tease – a 24-year-old, hot as hell tease.

  In the meantime, Emma was still struggling to relax. Just lying in bed waiting for sleep to come wasn’t going to cut it, so she considered her options. A glass of wine? A little Steely Dan on the iPod? A good fuck? Up until recently, that would have been as easy to acquire as reaching in the closet for a blouse – just down the hall, first door on the right. But now things had changed. Ty had suddenly become remote, yet confrontational.

  Emma’s interest in Ty had long ago slipped from romantic to purely physical. She assumed the relationship had now dropped to another level. She could feel it in their most recent conversations, and she could see it in his behaviour. Emma was fine with that. In fact, it made her life easier. There were lots of expectations when they were a couple, a few expectations when they were special friends, and now, about all she wanted from him was a promise to put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

  Emma’s libido had been pecked at and trampled on – a lot – the last couple days. She was desperate for some relief, but, regrettably, didn’t have a stockpile of men stashed in her dresser. An indecent image of Alyssa suddenly swirled through her head. She jerked from her bed, spitting out a mouse-like squeal.

  Lying back down, Emma scanned the dark room, sighing as she tucked a thin sheet under her chin. A playful smile stretched across her face, the tension that had marked her day easing as her thoughts shifted. Alyssa, and her boy toys – hmmm … Her hand slid down her leg, and she softly, and mockingly, touched herself to assure everything was still there, and still worked. She wriggled out of her panties, leaving them under the sheet by her toes. Two fingers entered her mouth, and she sucked them in deep. Her sloppy tongue toyed with them, and she pictured Cal and Jake and their hard, steely bodies, and she sucked harder. She removed the wet fingers from her mouth and sent them down under the sheet, to her other lips. Her fingertips slipped low between her folds, then traced slowly towards her clit, gently massaging as they crawled up the steamy path.

  Cal and Jake were gone now, replaced by Jason. One man, one young, hot, strong, clever man, pressing his weight against her. Emma breathed him in, memories of fresh ginger and cedarwood conjured by her mind. She reached for the down-filled pillow next to her and brought it to her chest. But now it was Jason’s cool body, and she could touch him, stroke him. She caressed his face and strummed her fingers through his thick, brown hair. He was still atop her, but she had other thoughts.

  Pinning the pillow beneath her, Emma wrapped her arms around it and pushed it further down, until it was wedged tight to her slit. She pictured Jason’s lean frame, and she held him steady under her. Sitting up and straddling him, she slowly began to slide down his length. She found the perfect rhythm, the perfect pressure, and the perfect angle, and she worked him up and down, over and over. He was hot against her clit, rubbing and rubbing, and she gripped harder and began springing up and down over him. Her sturdy thighs clenched tight, and she was not going to let him go. And then he gave her what she had craved for so long. Emma buried her head in the sheets and cried out in ecstasy.

  When her orgasm subsided and she was spent, she released the pillow from between her thighs and replaced it with a cupped hand. She kneaded herself gently and, after several deep breaths, she fell asleep.

  Chapter Four

  ‘Emma, there’s someone on line two for you. He wouldn’t give a name – sorry. But he sounds … dreamy. Sorry again if it’s someone I shouldn’t be talking about like that. Maybe if he was …’

  ‘I get it, Jan. I’ve got a phone call. Thanks – now scoot! We’ve got customers.’ Emma lifted the phone and pressed the flashing light. She started to talk, but the receiver slipped from her hand like a wet bar of soap, landing on the floor of her office and cartwheeling out of reach. ‘Hi, this is Emma Green, how may I …?’

  ‘I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know what just happened, but I have to ask: are you OK?’

  ‘Oh hi, Jason. Sorry, the phone just slipped out of my hand for some reason. Everything I touch becomes a banana peel. I can’t really explain …’

  ‘It’s not a problem, Emma. Anyway, how’s business today?’

  ‘We had a great morning, but it’s slowed somewhat. We’ll make our day, don’t worry.’

  ‘I’m not worried at all. In fact, if that young lady in the pink shorts buys those Louboutin pumps she’s trying on, you’ll have made your week.’

  ‘What?’ Emma peeked out her door and spied Rachel chumming up a cute girl in pink shorts. ‘Where are you?’

  ‘Just watching your staff do their thing. You’ve trained them very well, Ms Green.’

  Emma crossed the sales floor, searching for her boss. She found him loosely unfurled on a couch by the entryway, dressed in a light-coloured blazer, striped, op
en-collared shirt and comfortable jeans. Delicious.

  ‘So, you’re a surprise visit sort of boss, huh?’ Emma placed her hands on her hips as a crooked smile ran across her face. ‘I guess I should expect to see you every two weeks now?’

  ‘Actually, I suppose you’ll be seeing me more often than that.’

  ‘Why? Keeping a close eye on your clumsy managers? I promise I’ve never broken any company property – pretty much.’ In the two weeks since his first visit, Jason had called Emma every day to discuss sales trends, personnel issues, upcoming promotions and just about anything business-y he could think of. But he hadn’t brought up Tucson, and he hadn’t pressed Emma on her decision to relocate. She had a hunch that’s where this conversation was headed.

  ‘Yes, I think I need to keep a closer eye on you, Emma. We can’t keep buying new display fixtures for your store.’

  ‘That was an accident. And who would have thought a metal rack like that could snap so easily?’

  ‘You are adorable. And I say that purely as a casual observation.’ Jason turned to face the display window briefly, then looked back at Emma. ‘Anyway, the real reason I’ll be seeing more of you is that I’ve moved out of the home office. I’ve leased a condo in Scottsdale.’

  Emma’s head crowded quickly with thoughts – most of them good.

  ‘I don’t understand,’ she said, trying to get her mind back on business. ‘This is a two-store market. Why would you want to relocate here?’

  ‘It’s two stores for now,’ Jason replied, ‘but we’ve got big plans for Arizona, and I think it’s important for me to be close to all the activity. Besides, you wouldn’t be bothered if I spent more time in your store, would you?’

  ‘Of course not. My store is your store! Actually, it is your store, so, sure, we’d love to see more of you.’ Emma could sense blood rushing to her cheeks. He’s so young and seemingly innocent, she reminded herself. Cut it out!