Finding Herself Read online

  ‘Well, good then! I’m really going to need your help, if you don’t mind. I’ve moved some of my things to the condo already, but it’s a very large space, and … I’m really no good at decorating. I was hoping to steal your talents for a few hours. Could you come take a look and give me some advice? We’ll do this during the day, of course. It’s company business, after all.’

  ‘Excuse me, I hate to interrupt – hi, Mr Eastman!’ Jan had sidled up to Emma, who was startled by the sudden outburst. ‘Emma, Alyssa’s on line one for you?’

  ‘Tell her I’ll call her back in a few minutes …’

  ‘No, no, go ahead and take the call,’ Jason insisted. ‘Listen, here’s the address – just a few blocks from here – see you in an hour?’

  Before she could respond, Jason was out the door. Emma padded to her office, head spinning, heart racing. By the time she picked up the phone, her mouth had become desert dry.

  ‘Hi, Alyssa – what’s up?’

  ‘Em-Em! How’s my favourite girlfriend? Are you guys busy today? We’re totally slow. I think I’m heading out early.’

  ‘You might not want to do that today, just in case.’

  ‘In case of what? Are all the women in Phoenix ovulating for a pair of kitten heels this afternoon and they didn’t tell me?’

  ‘Ha! That’s a pretty good one for a change. No, our boss is in town, and just in case he pops in, you might want to be there.’

  ‘Like he’s ever been to my store? I still haven’t met the guy. Has he been to your store today, Ms Em?’

  ‘He just left. You won’t believe this. He wants me to …’

  ‘What? He wants you to what?’

  ‘Never mind. Anyway, he’s in town. He told me he just moved here. Can you imagine?’

  ‘Aah, my little Em-Em has a suitor. That is soo cute! So tell me, is he as hot as he sounds?’

  ‘You’re full of it, Alyssa. The man is almost ten years younger than me – he’s more interested in dating a sorority girl than someone my age. And he’s really shy, at least when it comes to … things outside the business. I’m not really into timid types, and it’s not what you think. Sorry to burst your bubble.’

  ‘I think he gives you a semi, that’s what I think. And here’s something to chew on – besides Jason. Don’t you find it unusual that he’s never been to my store?’

  ‘OK, that’s enough, Miss Alyssa. You can go home now. I’ve got some things I need to take care of. Bye.’

  ‘Make sure you take really good care of those things! OK, hon. Muah!’

  Emma stared at her wall of clipboards for a minute, not really looking at anything. Why would Jason ask her to help with something personal, like picking out furniture? Maybe he was simply incapable of buying anything as personality defining as a couch, she thought. Maybe since he was new to town, he just wanted to make a friend – not an unheard-of concept. Maybe he was helpless when it came to making any kind of personal decision. Maybe he was interested in getting to know her better.

  Her options were limited, and she knew it. She could pretend her conversation with Jason never happened. That would probably be the best option.

  Emma levered the handle of her office door a bit and snuck a peek at the sales floor. The only customer was at the cash desk, purchasing two very expensive pairs of shoes from Rachel. There goes my “we had too many customers for me to feel comfortable leaving the store” excuse, she thought.

  After ten minutes of internal squabbling, Emma decided that she was making a big deal out of nothing. It was, after all, just helping the young man pick out a couple of chairs and maybe a throw rug. That’s all he asked of her – nothing more.

  ‘Jan, I’m leaving a little early today. I will see you kids tomorrow.’ Emma spoke while awkwardly studying herself in front of one of the store’s full-length mirrors.

  ‘Sure, Emma! I would have left 20 minutes ago. Good luck!’ Jan threw her boss a giant cartoon wink and then watched her flub her first attempt at opening the front door.

  ‘Hey, I was thinking you might not show – I wouldn’t have blamed you. I guess I left a little abruptly. Come in, come in!’ Jason flashed his shimmering smile as he swung the door wide for Emma.

  ‘Yeah, our whole last conversation was a bit … unexpected. Anyway, sorry I’m a little late. I needed to wrap a couple things up before I could leave the store.’

  ‘That’s one of the things I love about you, Emma. You’re so dedicated. Let me get you something to drink – you name it.’

  One of the things he loved about her? ‘I’ll just have whatever it is you’re drinking. It looks yummy!’

  ‘Fruit smoothie with a little protein powder. If you like, I can ditch the powder and throw in a little vodka. You’re off the clock – don’t be shy.’

  ‘Um, that’s OK. Just the way you made yours, please.’ Emma thought it a bit ironic that he considered her the shy one.

  ‘Come with me. I’ll show you the kitchen.’

  Emma trailed behind Jason through his sizable condo, skirting by an already well-furnished living room and a formal dining room drenched in teak and glass. The soft, jazzy sounds of Steely Dan resonated from seemingly everywhere.

  They snaked down a narrow hallway, and Emma realised as she was pulling her thoughts together that it was the first time she’d seen Jason without a blazer. A soft, earth tone T-shirt had replaced his open-collared shirt, and she could tell by the way the sleeves hung just above his carved triceps that it fit him very nicely. Her eyes dropped further and locked onto Jason’s perfectly shaped, denim-covered ass. She swallowed hard after shadowing him six more steps.

  ‘Well, here we are,’ Jason announced, turning to face her. ‘Strawberries, blueberries and banana sound good?’

  ‘Everything looks great,’ Emma replied, unaware her tongue had slipped.

  Jason flashed a curious look her way, and then went about constructing her smoothie.

  Emma knew Jason was a well-built guy, but she had no idea just how well until now. His abs rippled beneath his shirt in small waves, and when his arms angled in, his biceps puckered with authority.

  But what really piqued Emma’s libidinous interest was Jason’s butt. His ass had to have been swiped from a Michelangelo statue in Florence, she thought – perfectly contoured and begging to be fondled.

  ‘I love the music you’re playing. Steely Dan is one of my favourite bands.’ Emma was anxious to break the uncomfortable silence. ‘Actually, Josie is my all-time favourite song. It’s a little surprising that someone your age would be into classic rock.’

  ‘I am a grown-up, Emma,’ he replied with a smirk. ‘I’m allowed to enjoy grown-up things, aren’t I? Besides, I had a feeling this was the kind of music you’d like, and I wanted to make you comfortable. Here, try your smoothie.’ Jason approached Emma, extending his arm towards her. His hand consumed most of the surface of the glass, and she had no choice but to brush her fingers against his as they made the exchange.

  ‘Would you like a cupcake?’ Jason inched closer as he asked, his eyes averting hers. ‘I have peanut butter chocolate, or dark chocolate. Take one of each – they’re small.’

  ‘Seriously? Cupcakes?’

  ‘Don’t worry, I didn’t bake them.’

  ‘No, no, I didn’t mean … Why would you think I liked cupcakes?’

  ‘Don’t all women like them? At least the beautiful, smart ones?’ Jason turned brusquely towards the counter, seemingly to avoid her response.

  ‘Jason.’ Emma paused to collect her thoughts. ‘I was wondering about all this furniture; your condo is full of amazing pieces. I thought you wanted me to help you furnish this place, but it’s already … perfect.’

  ‘I didn’t ask you here as a ruse to spend some alone time with you. I suppose my furniture is fine, but I really need some help decorating. Take a look at these empty walls.’

  Emma’s heart sank a little with his words. The yo-yo that was high in the sky a moment ago had now dropped back t
o the floor. Beautiful? Smart? Decorator? Which was it? Her eyes scanned the hand-trowelled, sand dollar-coloured walls, which were, for the most part, unadorned. She could see, however, through the arched doorway to the kitchen, a corner of one wall that had already been spoken for. Moving closer for a better look, she realised it was more than just the corner.

  Mounted on brackets and spanning the length of the room was an impressive collection of guitars: acoustics, electrics, and some that looked to be a combination of both. Jason edged next to Emma and gazed at the wall of instruments alongside her. She peeked sideways and glimpsed him stroking his chin as if he were deep in thought. Hmmm, she mused. I bet those fingers could really work some magic on those strings – or any strings.

  ‘So, this wall’s not too empty,’ Emma said with a sprinkle of sarcasm. ‘You must be pretty good.’

  ‘If you’re talking about playing guitar, no, not really. I play a little, but mostly I guess I just collect them.’

  ‘Play something for me? Please?’

  ‘Maybe some other time. So, do you think you could help me dress these walls up a bit?’

  ‘I don’t know why you’d trust me. I’m more likely to trip into one and put a dent in it than I am to make it look good.’

  ‘That’s pretty funny. I have a lot of confidence that I’ll be very content with your choices. If I have to repair a wall or two, no big deal.’

  ‘How could you be content, Jason? I barely have a clue as to what you might like.’

  ‘I guess you’ll have to get to know me better then, huh? Oh, speaking of getting to know about things, I would love it if you could show me around town. I’m pretty lost here.’

  ‘Is this just another ploy to take me to dinner?’ Emma looked hard into his eyes, daring him to look away. She could see him trying to hang tough, but some power, some force, his shyness, wrested his attention to the floor.

  ‘That’s an excellent idea, Emma. I’m a horrible explorer and could use a great tour guide. We’ll start with the best restaurants.’

  ‘I’ll think about it. Actually, maybe there’s someone I know who would want to show you around. In fact, I’m sure I could fix you up with the perfect guide.’ Off the top of her head, Emma could think of a dozen girls who would gladly donate a day, a week, or a lifetime helping this dreamboat navigate his way.

  ‘I think you’d be perfect, if you don’t mind. Does your reluctance have something to do with Ty?’

  Ty hadn’t been anywhere near Emma’s thoughts for a while now. He mostly resided in the attic of her soul, stuffed in a box with a few other exes. Her reluctance had more to do – everything to do – with Jason. He had been in her thoughts lately – a lot. And now, after seeing how he lived and seeing how perceptive and considerate he was, and seeing him out of his work uniform, she knew she’d be thinking of him even more.

  ‘Ty’s just my roommate, Jason. He can be a bit of a jackass sometimes, I suppose. That’s the Ty you met.’

  ‘Just a thought. So, what do you say? Show me around a little?’

  ‘I’m sorry, Jason, but I’m somewhat confused. You are my boss, and I’m not the insubordinate type, so, I guess in that context, sure I’ll help you find your way. But is that it? Is that what you’re asking? This is a business relationship – right?’ Emma exhaled a soothing breath, relieved to have laid her cards on the table.

  ‘You’re a great manager, Emma. I knew that before I even met you. Statistically, you rank right at the top, corporate wide. Once I met you, the reason for your success became clearer; you have a certain … presence. There’s something special about you. I feel it when I talk to you on the phone. I feel it when we’re together.’

  Emma waited for more, but could only hear the distant whisper of air conditioning. She wasn’t looking for a new boyfriend. She didn’t need these games either. She had just scrapped a relationship founded on superficial attraction; one of those was enough. If Jason was looking for sex, or for someone to play with, fine. He wouldn’t have any trouble finding a willing partner; her name, however, would not be Emma Green.

  ‘I’m very flattered, Jason. I work hard, and I care about what I do, so, I guess that’s what you’re seeing. But what I …’

  ‘Stop – please.’ Jason stepped close to Emma, as did the scent of spicy ginger and rustic cedarwood. ‘I wasn’t finished.’

  She waited, watching Jason’s strength and composure quickly tumble from his pockets and settle on the floor.

  ‘I find this very difficult to convey in the right way – us working together and all. I’m very … attracted to you.’ He looked up into her eyes, searching for a reaction. ‘We do have a business relationship, of course. But I’m hoping it might evolve into something more?’ Jason lifted his hands, placed them at the edges of Emma’s shoulders and floated them gently across her supple skin.

  Emma appreciated his honesty and his soothing touch, but she did not want to go down this road. Still, she allowed Jason to continue his plea with determined hands sliding down her back and strong arms pulling her in, closer and closer. He sent magic fingers up to her head and ran them with a hungry perseverance through her thick locks. She peered into his intense, curious, amber eyes that were busy scanning her body for imperfections, or maybe they were scrutinising her imperfections – she wasn’t sure. He nuzzled her neck at a measured pace with seductive, shameless lips. Her body, disengaged from her common sense, responded with a rush of warmth and wetness. She could feel his stiffness pressing against her, and she closed her eyes to best remember the amazing sensations and incredible passion of the moment. Then, she pushed him away.

  ‘Nothing more, Jason. Not now.’ Emma latched the condo door firmly behind her, and drove home.

  Chapter Five

  A nearly empty bottle of beer dangled from Ty’s fingertips as he wriggled about the couch, hunting for his comfort zone; a scattering of muffled Diamondbacks pregame chatter flicked from the TV in pestering waves.

  ‘Hi, Em. Glad you’re home. How was work?’

  ‘Hey, Ty. Good. Haven’t seen you in for ever. How’s the ad biz?’ Emma wasn’t about to dish the day’s dirt with her ex. That’s what Alyssa was for – maybe.

  ‘Everything’s great. Hey, listen, I’m glad you’re home. I was hoping we could talk.’

  Emma looked him over, wondering what was going on. Usually, if he’d polished off a box of Cocoa Krispies, he’d just leave a note, with a heads-up. But he had something more than cereal on his mind, she could tell.

  ‘Sure, what’s up?’ Emma slid next to Ty, wanting to put an end to his ceaseless finger-tapping on the adjacent cushion.

  ‘I wanted to talk about us.’

  ‘Problem?’

  ‘No, no, not at all. Actually, I was thinking maybe we should give it another go. You know – us.’

  ‘What? Us? Ty, you know that wouldn’t work. You know we didn’t work. What’s come over you all of a sudden?’

  ‘I’ve been thinking about all the good times, how we came so close to making us a permanent thing. You can’t deny we had some pretty good times, Em, huh?’

  ‘Ty … it’s not so simple.’ Emma’s eyes danced around his ruddy face, a living scrapbook of her last two years. He still had it, at least physically: the crowded tangle of blond strands, the rugged evening-stubble across his cheeks, and those eyes – as blue and inviting as the warm Caribbean. ‘Life isn’t just about a fun weekend to the coast, Ty. Yeah, we had some good times. There were some not so good times too, don’t forget. And hey, we’re still living together and we haven’t killed each other – yet. We should be grateful for what we’ve got, and leave it at that. OK, babe?’

  ‘I want this, Em. I want us again. Whatever broke before, we can fix it. Come on, I could go for a steamy shower – with you.’

  ‘Sorry, Ty. I can’t figure out where this came from, but I know where it’s not going. Let’s stay friends, OK?’ Emma leant into his pout with her lips, a casual gesture of friendship, a token of peac
e. Ty responded the way he would before, when they were more than friends. His hands embraced her head, and his tongue sought shelter between her lips. Emma allowed him access, and they wrestled atop the cushions for minutes, each grasping at familiar morsels that once provided so much comfort. Her hand slid below his waist, across his cotton shorts, and she could feel the warm, rhythmic pulse of his pleading erection. His long fingers responded in kind, combing the thin fabric of her skinny jeans and working them deliberately into her pliant slit. With their tongues engaged and their hands full of each other, they rushed close to the point of no return.

  Emma wanted to stop. Her mind fought against her body, reason against nature. She cared for Ty, but she could never love him as she once did. A hair’s breadth of light filtered through her narrowed lids, and she could see the shadow of a man above her; she wasn’t sure who she wanted him to be. Jason was still fresh in her memory, but Ty was here – and so were his capable fingers.

  Love was out of the equation. Ty was history – her history – not her future. Jason was a craving best left on the table. They both, however, were amazing, sexually attractive men, capable of erasing common sense from even the most rational of women.

  Emma did not protest when Ty freed her from the snug jeans and token strip of lingerie, which, up until this point, had protected her from her own impetuous thoughts. He turned square towards her and lowered his head between her thighs. His strong hands held her in place while his tongue dashed between her warm folds and into her sweet-scented wetness. He lapped her up – every inch, every drop of her. Emma tried to squirm, but he would not allow her to move. Her release was just around the corner, and her whimpers had grown into a low, steady howl. Ty moved his hands below to her ass, and his strong fingers worked her cheeks – kneading, squeezing, and pulling. His tongue circled to her clit, and then, with his mouth open wide, he sucked in all of her he could at once. The small swells of ecstasy Emma had been riding grew to towering, impossible-to-hold-on-to waves, and her orgasm pulsed over her, in her, through her.

  Ty lifted his head, hoping to find a different Emma than the one who had shut him down minutes earlier. Her eyes were closed and her body was still. She looked to be pleasantly spent, well loved.